Won Without Words
winning the marriage you desire through wisdom
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Shari Popejoy




Husband

February 16, 2011
 

Is it Manipulation or Just Good Science?

This post is in reply to a comment by Kayla, a ‘soon to be’ married lady. After reading 3 Things You Can Do Every Day to Make Sure You Get Roses on Valentine Day 2012, she comments,

“I was just wondering your thoughts for the lady who thinks this sounds like manipulation,”

and then Kayla continues to express with great wisdom,

“would it not be prudent to consider these 3 things an investment in our “oneness”? Investment oftentimes has dividends… In this case, roses!”

Right you are, Kayla!!

In my former ‘uptight and unhappily married’ days, I belittled the women who resorted to what I considered manipulation and games to ‘control’ their men. They were women who (with great success, I might add) used a “poor little ole’ helpless me” attitude (most effective when said in a Southern Belle accent!) to melt her big strong man, so that he was putty in her hands.

How disgusting – and annoyingly effective!! Believe me, I’ve researched this well over the years, and after much observation and practice, have discovered what works – and it’s too good to keep to myself!!!

It’s basic human nature – we want to be valued and appreciated – in whatever form we feel valued and appreciated. According to Gary Chapman in his book ‘The Five Love Languages’, we have a love language that we like to hear (gifts, words of affirmation, quality of time, acts of service and physical touch).

It is a smart woman who recognizes her husband’s love language and speaks to him in his language (not just demanding that he read her mind or interpret her foreign tongue). Additionally, I’m just taking what I know of men and making it simple for you in three easy steps: 1) men like to be praised 2) men need respect 3) men are more approachable during physical activities (they listen when physically engaged).  Read more about these three easy-to-do things!

If you do these three things, you’ll be speaking his language – and believe me he’ll listen . . . he’ll be listening when you tell him what bothers you. . . he’ll be listening when you tell him your fears and needs. . . he’ll be listening when you don’t even know what you are trying to say. . . he’ll listen, and he’ll respond.

Doing these three things is no more manipulation than feeding your baby to make sure he’s not cranky, or showing up to work to get your paycheck, or completing the assignment in the appropriate way to earn that A. It’s basic Isaac Newton – for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. It’s not manipulation – it’s scientific! Or, maybe it’s fortune-telling – because, I am attempting to predict the future for you! I’m convinced that if you do this, good things will happen for you!

Like Kayla says, it is an investment, and you usually get a return on every investment.   And the answer to that riddle I referred to from, ‘Won Without Words': “What is impossible to buy, can be had in exchange for nothing, and costs you everything?” Well, reply to this post with your answers, and I’ll put them in a drawing for a FREE copy of one of my books! (Expired February 2011.)

Shari

p.s.  The roses are just icing on the cake — try my suggestions, and you’ll see what the real dividends are!!

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Won Without Words by Shari Popejoy is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at blog.wonwithoutwords.com.
Permissions beyond the scope of this license may be available at http://www.injoyinc.com/.



About the Author

Shari Popejoy
Shari Popejoy is the author of the book Won Without Words, and the blog Won Without Words, encouragement to wives. She writes the Livingstone Library, an adventure series for young people, and the blog Oh Joy!, (injoyinc.com/oh/) for busy moms. She is a frequent contributor to Christian print and online magazines, and writes from the quiet country of the Ozarks, where she lives with her husband, Marc, and their three children. You can find out all about her at sharipopejoy.com!



sharipopejoy.com

 
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