Won Without Words
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Shari Popejoy




Husband

January 28, 2012
 

Saturday Grapevine: Frigid Fingers — Reaction or Rejection?

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Written by: Shari Popejoy
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He approached her, longing to wrap her in his strong arms, one final embrace before leaving for the long hard day, but as he reached out to hold her, she screamed, pulled back, and the look of pain and avoidance on her face was matched by his countenance of hurt and contrition. Dejected and rejected, the light gone out of his eyes, he pulled back and turned to leave.

That was his perspective.

He swung the door shut with a bang, coming in quickly from the chilly outside air, his familiar stride was like a breath of fresh air as he approached quickly to give her one last hug. She looked up with a little grin of glee that she could still draw him back for one last kiss. As he leaned in to kiss her, his big strong hands, calloused with the creases of competency, grasped her tender skin, and she gasped with the shock of the frosty fingers on hands that were usually warm and tender. Involuntarily she pulled back and yelped, but in that one quick moment, she saw a grimace cross his face.

That was her perspective.

“Wait,” she cried, “That was reaction, not rejection! Your hands are frigid.”

He laughed as realization set in. “Oops. Sorry about that!”

He quickly rubbed his hands together to warm them and approached her looking a bit like a ravenous viking heading for the larder.

We They shared a kiss and a tender moment, he leaving with the warmth of her love, she stirred by his brusque desire that kept her on her toes. :D

Proper perspective is priceless.

The wrong perspective can take an innocent moment and turn it into a full blown argument that could last for days.

“You always pull away from me.”

“You are so inconsiderate.”

“Keep your hands to yourself.”

“Why can’t you just enjoy my affection?”

“Why can’t you be more considerate?”

“Fine. That’s the last time I come all the way back just to kiss you.”

“Fine.”

“Fine.”

Not so fine. With simple understanding and playful affection, almost any scenario can be tweaked, leaving you both feeling loved and appreciated instead of rejected and annoyed. :D

Sometimes what he views as rejection is simply reaction. Men are very sensitive to rejection. Men can smell rejection as easily as you can smell his — perspiration! And although men love to get a reaction from women — (it begins young — the squirmy worm held out to the pigtailed girl —  she screams and runs, and he chases, and the race is on!) — somewhere the game goes awry, and reaction is seen as rejection. Natural aversion is seen as blatant banishment. Pulling away is akin to public disgrace.

It’s natural to pull away from things that cause a reaction. There are reflexes and reactions, and natural responses — remember what Isaac Newton taught us? To every action, there is an equal but opposite reaction! If, in your intimate encounters, there is an unexpected reaction, the stimuli can always be adjusted in order to get a more favorable reaction!

So, just remember to help your mate out when it comes to intimacy. If he needs a helpful hint or a friendly reminder about how to approach you with success — give him a clue! His perspective is different, and he might just need a simple reminder!

If you need him to brush his teeth, or shower, or help put the kids to bed, or grab the sheets from the dryer and make the bed real quick, or give you a back rub, — or warm his hands up — help him know how to approach intimacy with you with success!

So, rub your hands together in glee. The games are about to begin! It’s Saturday!*

*Saturday Grapevine is a time for wives to reflect on marital intimacy, and to tend their grapevines — a euphemism taken from the Song of Solomon for marital intimacy and satisfaction.

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About the Author

Shari Popejoy
Shari Popejoy is the author of the book Won Without Words, and the blog Won Without Words, encouragement to wives. She writes the Livingstone Library, an adventure series for young people, and the blog Oh Joy!, (injoyinc.com/oh/) for busy moms. She is a frequent contributor to Christian print and online magazines, and writes from the quiet country of the Ozarks, where she lives with her husband, Marc, and their three children. You can find out all about her at sharipopejoy.com!



sharipopejoy.com

 
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