This might be the last Saturday Grapevine for awhile, since we’re starting our 100 Days to My Anniversary series this week! But you can always go back and review some of these interesting posts that focus on marital intimacy by clicking here or clicking on the Saturday Grapevine category on the sidebar to the right.
Men and women are as different from each other as their methods for approaching intimacy are varied. The animal kingdom has it figured out, and each species has a courting ritual that has worked for generations, and they don’t vary it. If a bloated throat sack attracted the female frigatebird sixty generations ago, why try something new? If regurgitating a recent meal attracts a mate, why bring her chocolate and flowers?
And human men know what works, but they just expect it to get easier once they get the ring on her finger! So they stop doing the basic things that have worked for thousands of years, like whispering sweet compliments, and being tender, and helping with chores around the cave!
But we women change too, and we stop enticing him, and seducing him, and pleasing him — because it seems he never gets enough, and it’s no use trying to keep up. . . or we’re tired. . . or overwhelmed by the children. . .or it’s another headache. . . or he just doesn’t deserve our love, affection and attention . . .
Well, let me remind you to do what works. Go back to the basics. Obviously something worked once. . . long ago. . . remember the days?
Sexual intimacy isn’t about drudgery, or duty, or defrauding. . . it’s about expressing love and connecting on an intimate level with the person you love, and have committed to — together in a lifetime covenant.
The animal kingdom does some pretty drastic and slightly odd things during courting and mating. A bowerbird decorates his bower with monochromatic items to attract the female — if he chooses blue, then he brings back every bit of blue he can find as a token of his devotion. A male anglerfish fuses itself to the female in an eternal embrace. A praying mantis might rip off her mate’s head and eat it right before his eyes — antenna and all — during the mating ritual.
But, celebrate the fact that you’re not an animal, and you’re not stuck into a ritual — intimacy is not about ritual — it’s about relating.
And if it just becomes about duty — it loses its appeal. Intimacy is supposed to be an expression of love and devotion. And he’s not an animal. He wants to relate to you. He doesn’t enjoy the quick completion of a duty of drudgery — as much as he enjoys those moments when you give yourself completely to him in devotion, affection, intimacy, a beautiful act of the expression of love.
So, reflect on the mating methods of the animal kingdom — and rejoice in the fact that you are more than an animal. Let your intimate encounters be all about relationship and love — and create some wonderful and exotic moments with the man you love! And don’t decapitate him if he doesn’t get it right! Love him. Like him. Respect him. Hold him. Kiss him. Love him again and again and again.