Won Without Words
winning the marriage you desire through wisdom

Shari Popejoy


March 7, 2012

Don’t Do As I Do

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Written by: Shari Popejoy
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Don’t you love it how we learn a lesson. . . and then have to learn it again?

Don’t lose heart if it seems that you have to keep re-learning some lessons — just learn them quicker the next time around and move on!

Remember how I told you that I was giving my daughter the week off from household chores?

Well, after a day of laundry, and reorganizing drawers that I hadn’t seen for awhile —  (doesn’t folding imply some sort of straight lines and orderly stacks?  Does stuffing, shoving, squashing, suffice?  And how hard is it to turn the shirts right side out?) — and I was basically doing jobs that a trained monkey could do — all day — I was frustrated.

I had hoped to make some headway on a writing project, but my day got hi-jacked by household duties and stuff, and suddenly it didn’t feel like a very productive day after all.

The house was tidy, dinner was complete, laundry was folded — but somehow it seemed that I hadn’t accomplished anything — important.

So, I did the only thing a tired mom can do at a time like that. . . I vented my frustration to my husband about kids who leave dishes and clothes lying around the house, and behaviors that are still unchanged, and life goals that haven’t been met  — and world peace that still hasn’t been accomplished — you know, the works!!

He looked at me blankly.  After twenty-seven years of marriage, he has learned that most of the time, I’m not really asking for his advice or input — I merely want to vent.  Usually — after he has listened, and I’ve had my say. . . we move on.

But this time, when he didn’t give me some great solutions, I was frustrated. AREN’T YOU GOING TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS? Poor guy. If he offers advice — I don’t want any. If he says nothing — I want advice!  Know what I mean?

What a waste of time.  It was a simple solution.  I have easily solved these household administrative problems for years without his advice.  I didn’t really need (or want) his input.  The things I had invested my time in that day weren’t really essential.  They weren’t really urgent.  I wasn’t under any outside pressure to complete those projects.

In my zeal to do everything perfectly that day, I had missed an opportunity to be something very important at that moment — his fun, witty, loving wife.

Anyway — just a reminder.  Don’t do as I do. Be as I say!  It really works.  I know, because most of the time I remember this lesson that I learned:  “Love is not doing, but being“.

Hope you follow my tips from the last few days and don’t worry about doing so many unnecessary things, but that you are content being the person that only you can be!

Got a few extra minutes while your coffee’s still warm?

  1. What are some of the things that you can leave undone today in order to spend some time being with your incredible husband?
  2. Will it really matter in twenty years whether you organize that closet today?
  3. Just for fun, make a to-do list of five unnecessary things that you really should do today. Now, tear up your list! Wasn’t that fun?!

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About the Author

Shari Popejoy
Shari Popejoy is the author of the book Won Without Words, and the blog Won Without Words, encouragement to wives. She writes the Livingstone Library, an adventure series for young people, and the blog Oh Joy!, (injoyinc.com/oh/) for busy moms. She is a frequent contributor to Christian print and online magazines, and writes from the quiet country of the Ozarks, where she lives with her husband, Marc, and their three children. You can find out all about her at sharipopejoy.com!


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