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March 8, 2012
 

You Win — You Loser!

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Written by: Shari Popejoy
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If there is conflict in your marriage, then there is a lack of peace in your heart and home.

Winning the argument may not be worth the loss of peace.

Trust me, I know. Do you have any idea how many hours, days, weeks . . . I’ve spent being stubborn and fighting for my own way — over stupid things that I can’t even remember now? Do I think the fight was worth it? Or do I think I was just selfish and immature back then? What do you think? :D

Here is today’s tip:

It is folly to enter into an argument with a proud man.  In order for you to succeed, he must concede.  Even if you win the argument, you’ve lost the war.

Most women are more verbally skilled than their husband.  Not always, but usually in a war of words, we have the advantage.  Guess what happens if we verbally outmaneuver our husband?

  1. He shuts down
  2. He gets mad
  3. He gives in and resents us

Let’s say that he throws in the towel and gives in.  Do you really think a competitive, proud, strong man feels good about that?  Do you really think he’s going to just roll over and take that for the next fifty years?  In the early days of marriage he usually gives in — because he’s really trying to be a good husband. . . and frankly, he enjoys the . . . fringe benefits of having you in a good mood.

Trust me, that strategy isn’t going to last more than a few years.  You might think so, but ask a happily married woman of 30+ years whether brow-beating, winning arguments, nagging, and verbal sparring is a good strategy for marital bliss — and then listen to her laugh.

It’s not worth it.  Take off the sparring gloves.

If your husband is competitive and proud, he certainly won’t appreciate losing the argument to you.  Even if you win — you’re still a loser!  You lose his respect, your dignity, your pride, your tender love for each other.

Face it — you both think you are right — or you would change your mind.  Just because he can’t defend his position as effectively as you can, doesn’t mean he is wrong.  And just because you are more persuasive, doesn’t mean you are right.  Remember Eve?

Tomorrow I’ll give you a great strategy for diffusing every argument — works every time!!

Until then, take a time out!

Wanna take a break from all that sparring, and sip a cool refreshing drink with me?

  1. Think back to a recent conflict. Did you win? Did that make you happy? Were you happy that your husband lost? Who really wins — if one of you loses?
  2. Is it possible that you can give in, and still win the battle? Can you lovingly give up your right to be right? If you give that as a gift to your husband — is it possible that you have really actually WON?
  3. Determine the real issue in your arguments. What do you want? Read James 4:1-2. Do some journal jotting and identify what the real issue was in your last argument.

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About the Author

Shari Popejoy
Shari Popejoy is the author of the book Won Without Words, and the blog Won Without Words, encouragement to wives. She writes the Livingstone Library, an adventure series for young people, and the blog Oh Joy!, (injoyinc.com/oh/) for busy moms. She is a frequent contributor to Christian print and online magazines, and writes from the quiet country of the Ozarks, where she lives with her husband, Marc, and their three children. You can find out all about her at sharipopejoy.com!



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