Here’s a tip on how to diffuse an argument and go straight to the make-up round!
When your husband has a complaint, or a criticism, don’t get defensive. Don’t raise your gloves and try to deflect the blow.
You simply repeat the phrase:
“You may be right.”
He is expecting you to defend your position, or argue why he’s wrong, or blame him for being insensitive, or cry and run home to mama. When you calmly say, “You may be right,” it allows him to feel that he has successfully communicated with you. He has hope that whatever is bothering him just might be addressed and implemented.
Four little words. Repeat it with me: “You. . . may. . . .be. . . right.” 🙂
Now, psychologically, he has heard, “Me . . .Jane. You . . . Tarzan. . . You. . . right.”
Suddenly, he lets down his guard, — and please get this next step right. You don’t rush in with a sucker punch. You don’t hit below the belt while you’ve caught him off balance.
Call for a time out. Ask him if you can have some time to reflect on what he has said. And then take some quiet time to truly consider what he said. He understands the need for processing time. In fact, when you have a similar complaint you want to address with him . . . be sure to let him have processing time. Give him the benefit of respecting his opinion. Even if you don’t agree, he is entitled to his opinion and his feelings. . . and so are you.
Above all, pray for God to give you wisdom. There is a wealth of wisdom that is available in marriage. Because God gives the man special insight, he brings a different perspective that can add a new and important dimension to a problem and challenge (yes, women have a unique perspective, too — and a mature and wise man will learn to consider his wife’s input).
Above all, as Christian women, we should believe in the leadership of our husbands. . . (and some of us even promised to obey. . . –what were we thinking???!!! jk :-). There have been many times that my husband was right. I was wrong. I thought I was right. But he was more right — just because of his perspective and his God-given insight. Don’t dismiss his ideas just because they are different from yours.
And be sure to schedule a rematch — later — if you still need to. After you’ve had time to cool down and reflect, you might be amazed at your new perspective — you might decide to skip the sparring altogether and hit the mat for a wrestling match instead!
Ding, ding, ding!!! You win!
- Do you think this will work? Are you willing to try? The next time your husband has a differing opinion on anything, say “You may be right.” Then journal the results!
- Have you ever thought your husband was wrong, and it turned out he was more right than you were? Next conflict . . . just consider that it might be one of those times!
- Admit it — we’re not always right. In fact, just for practice write one or two of these phrases in your journal: 1) My husband may be right. 2) I’m not always right 3) I could be wrong.