Won Without Words
winning the marriage you desire through wisdom

Shari Popejoy


March 23, 2012

Crocodiles In The Moat, Boiling Oil In The Cauldron

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Written by: Shari Popejoy
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“Release the crocodiles into the moat! Light the fire under the cauldron! Prepare for attack! That man has done it again, and I’m not going to take it anymore!”

Ever feel like calling for reinforcements and hunkering down for battle in your marriage? He probably deserves it . . . but — is that really the best strategy?

Let’s face it — our husbands are men — human beings who make mistakes, need to mature in some areas, and have faults and weaknesses.  They are moving to maturity and completion just like we are. . . maybe at a slower pace — or so it might seem!

Sometimes it is easy to get angry and annoyed because our husband needs to change. . . but, perhaps the last thing we should do is confront him and lay out all his faults before him, demanding that he change.

Confrontation breeds anger. Anger closes the door on repentance.

Rarely will a man rush to change and correct his behavior, react with remorse and sorrow, or thank his sweet wife for pointing out the error of his ways.  Nah!  If he is wrong, he probably already knows it.  If he doesn’t know it, our excellent powers of persuasion might not really be as effective as we think!

Pointing out the obvious isn’t going to endear a woman to her man!

In fact, if he’s in the wrong, he’s probably feeling a bit guilty anyway. . . and the usual response of confronting a person who is feeling guilty is . . . anger. And if he is feeling cornered — sometimes he’ll snarl!

Anger is not conducive to reconciliation, repentance or redemption!

Anger usually slams the door, bolts the lock, shoves a heavy piece of furniture in front of the door or reconciliation . . . or to use a castle metaphor, anger pulls up the drawbridge, releases the crocodiles into the moat, slams down the portcullis, and prepares the cauldron of boiling oil! Armed and ready for war!

So what good does it actually do to confront a husband? Not much. . if confrontation only makes a husband angry, stubborn, resentful, withdrawn. . . how can that benefit a wife?

To continue the castle metaphor, anger just makes him like an evil king barricaded in his dark and forbidding castle unleashing his crocodiles into the moat — so don’t confront or provoke him.  Instead, be the princess in the highest tower, waiting for your knight in shining armor to come riding in on his white horse?  Sounds good to me!

But, sometimes it gets lonely in that forlorn tower while we’re waiting for our knight to get his armor on, find his horse, and polish his sword.  Perhaps you’ve been secluded in that tower, patiently waiting for the day that your knight slays all the dragons, and maybe you’re getting tired of watching him get defeated by the dragons, and wounded by their fiery darts.  It might be time to call out the big guns, the ones that can defeat the fiery darts, and cast aside all the evil minions!

I’ll tell you about them in the next few posts!

  1. Read Proverbs 10:12 and I Peter 4:8. What quality smooths over rough edges, mistakes and sins?
  2. Read Ephesians 4:32. What is the main reason we should forgive our husband?

About the Author

Shari Popejoy
Shari Popejoy is the author of the book Won Without Words, and the blog Won Without Words, encouragement to wives. She writes the Livingstone Library, an adventure series for young people, and the blog Oh Joy!, (injoyinc.com/oh/) for busy moms. She is a frequent contributor to Christian print and online magazines, and writes from the quiet country of the Ozarks, where she lives with her husband, Marc, and their three children. You can find out all about her at sharipopejoy.com!


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