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February 21, 2011
 

The WORK of Marriage – It’s Not Supposed to Hurt

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Written by: Shari Popejoy
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Your marriage can be as sweet and delectable as chocolate covered strawberries!

As much fun as Valentine’s Week was, it’s time to get back to the WORK of Marriage! In my last post, we talked about the pain of stretching yourself in your marriage.

Marriage is not supposed to hurt, but it does. Love is not supposed to hurt, but it does. Stretching out and longing after a distant husband hurts. When you open up your heart to love, it hurts – for a time.

Temporary pain in marriage comes and goes periodically because of the seasons of life, and the pain we humans endure, but if you experience consistent and agonizing pain in your marriage – that is not normal, beneficial, or healthy. If you are in constant emotional pain in your marriage relationship, you must figure out what is wrong and make some changes. It might not be easy, but it is necessary.

You might ask what makes me qualified to tell you this. All I can say is that when the dry, dead branch budded in Numbers 17, it was a sign to show that Aaron had the authority to perform as priest of the Hebrew nation. Similarly, my dead, dry marriage budded into a renewed growth of life and love, which gives me something to say on the subject of marriage!

If that doesn’t convince you, let me just say that my husband took me out to dinner on Friday before Valentines Day, gave me chocolate covered strawberries on Saturday, gave me a romantic card, with one of the best love letters I’ve ever received on Sunday, a box of chocolates and roses on Monday (over two dozen, with three different colors — each one meaningful) . . . You might think I’m spoiled, but I say I am cherished. I used to long for a time when my husband would value me, appreciate me, consider me his utmost prize . . . and now he does.

What happened? Well, I learned a thing or two, put it into practice, and I must be doing something right!  At least he thinks so!  And I’m willing to share my secrets!

You might think it’s impossible for your marriage to ever be what you dream of. You might think there is no hope for your marriage. You might say, “Well, you just don’t understand; things are different with us.” You might be afraid to even hope that it could be better. You might think that it would be easier to just put a quick end to this dying marriage, consider it a failed attempt, and start over with someone new. Or, maybe you’re just planning to endure the lonely, sad state of existence until ‘death do us part’ puts you (or him) out of your misery.

But, you are wrong.  There is hope. It might take a miracle, but believe me. I know what I’m talking about. If you wonder if you can believe me, then try believing the me of a few years ago, who wrote a tearful journal entry perhaps describing your very feelings of today. I’ll share that with you next time. Meanwhile, take an honest look at your marriage, and take a moment to hope and pray for something better – it can always be better!

If your marriage is so-so, there is something better for you! Even if your marriage is better than all of your friends’ marriages, there is something more for you. Until your marriage brings you constant bliss, carefree companionship, faithful friendship, sustaining strength through the hard times, and unbelievable joy on a daily basis, there is room for growth.

Even occasional minor and inconsistent pain is painful! Let’s push past the pain and work until we get to our goal – our desire – maybe not a perfect marriage, but a perfectly satisfying relationship, full of intimacy and joy!

Let’s play follow the leader to marital bliss!

Shari Popejoy

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Won Without Words by Shari Popejoy is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at blog.wonwithoutwords.com.
Permissions beyond the scope of this license may be available at http://www.injoyinc.com/.



About the Author

Shari Popejoy
Shari Popejoy is the author of the book Won Without Words, and the blog Won Without Words, encouragement to wives. She writes the Livingstone Library, an adventure series for young people, and the blog Oh Joy!, (injoyinc.com/oh/) for busy moms. She is a frequent contributor to Christian print and online magazines, and writes from the quiet country of the Ozarks, where she lives with her husband, Marc, and their three children. You can find out all about her at sharipopejoy.com!



sharipopejoy.com

 
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