Today’s Marriage Tip: Expose the Deeds of Darkness

“Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.  For it is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret.  But everything exposed by the light becomes visible, for it is light that makes everything visible.  This is why it is said: ‘Wake up, O sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.'”  Ephesians 5:11-14

Do you live with the shame of a deep dark secret?  Is it just a little whitish secret that you fear will come out and embarrass you?  Or is it another person’s deed of darkness?  Is it something that makes you secretly ashamed of the man you are supposed to honor and respect?  Have your children chosen paths that confuse and confound you? Is the hypocrisy of it all eating away at you like a festering sore?

Expose it!  But, wait, precious woman. . . and read the rest of the post first!

Now, I’m not saying that you need to announce your deepest secret in an attempt to absolve your guilt, or to embarrass your friends or family members who are living with the results of their dark choices. I am saying that you do not have to LIVE entangled in the silent imprisoning sinews of guilt or shame.

Expose doesn’t mean to shout it from the rooftops or write a letter to the editor or Miss Abby, it means to shine the light, to bring to accountability. . . to take the scalpel to the festering wound, so that the infection is released, and the healing can begin.

You do not have to cover it up. You do not have to make excuses for them. You do not have to pretend that everything is all right. It’s not. You do not have to keep the shame of their cancerous secret, or bear his shame for him.  Yes, you do bear the burden, but there is a difference. There is no shame in truth. Truth sets you free. Secrets bind.

I’m not suggesting that you shame your husband by telling his mother or your children of his weaknesses and faults; don’t reveal the failures and faults of your friends to your family and co-workers. Is it really respectful to discuss the sins of other people without their permission? The Apostle Paul says it is shameful to even mention some things.

I am suggesting that you just know the truth. . . and be free. At least own it to yourself. . . own the truth. . . not the guilt or shame. Admit the truth out loud to yourself. It can’t hurt you any more than the pretending does. . .

“Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” John 8:32

Don’t let other people blame you or punish you for their own choices and sins. Many times guilty people want to blame or tear down others because their own shame is so great. Know the truth.  Speak the truth.  Embrace the truth during this time when you cannot embrace the deeds of darkness.

I’m not saying that you need to confront your loved one in their sin. You might need to. . . or you might need to wait for God’s timing.  A cornered animal (and loved ones) can become snarly and attacking. Leave the timing up to God.  Even the stork knows the appropriate seasons (Jeremiah 8:7), and you can, too.

The one thing I am saying is that you can shine the light of Christ’s love on the deeds of darkness, exposing them, revealing them to be destructive, vile, and odious. Men love darkness because their deeds are evil (John 3:19). Shine the light. Expose the darkness, by living in the light of His love, and not joining those around you in their darkness.  Make the light so appealing that they are drawn to it irresistibly, like a moth to your flame.

And, before you do anything. . . make it a matter of prayer for the next few days as we explore this topic together. Read, ponder and pray about this post, and come back again as we prayerfully consider the wisdom of truth. . . God’s truth. . . not worldly wisdom.

I’m praying for you,