Won Without Words
winning the marriage you desire through wisdom

Shari Popejoy


July 31, 2012

What If I Don’t Love My Husband?

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Written by: Shari Popejoy
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Ever have a moment when the realization just hits you that you don’t really love your husband?

Well, chances are you’re not alone!

I would guess that the majority of wives have a day when we don’t really feel like we love our husbands–at least as much as we should.

Oh, we love that he goes to work, and brings us chocolate, changes the tire, squashes the bugs, and does the daddy thing, but there are times when I don’t really love my husband — at least not according to the list that matters*. Love is supposed to be:

  • patient (and it really annoys me when . . . )
  • kind (when you live with someone, you don’t have to be courteous anymore — do you?)
  • does not envy (sometimes I’m downright jealous that he has time to pursue ___ while I’m stuck doing ___).
  • does not boast (well, I’m the one who always ____)
  • is not proud (he should be grateful that I even ___.)
  • is not rude (ever use that tone?)
  • is not self-seeking (I just have needs. . . .)
  • is not easily angered (do you know what he did?)
  • keeps no record of wrongs (want a list?)
  • does not delight in evil (sometimes I silently chuckle when he____)
  • rejoices with the truth (I forget that he _____)
  • always protects (I just need to vent with my girlfriends sometimes)
  • always trusts (he let me down when he ___)
  • always hopes (it will never change)
  • always perseveres (I’m tired of doing all the ____)
  • never fails (I want out. . .)

Fact is, there are many times when I fall short of displaying this list of qualities to my dear husband. Sometimes there are moments when I don’t even want to try too hard.

Fortunately, love is a choice. I can choose each moment whether I am going to love . . . or not love.

And this list is just a guideline to self-check how I’m doing on some of the not-so-little things . . . as if I need a list to tell me how satisfied I am in my marriage! But, if you’ve lost that loving feeling, you might want to do what I did one day when I sat down and honestly reflected on whether I really loved my husband.

What I discovered caused me to get to work to learn how to love my husband all over again! And some days it was just plain hard work! But I LOVE the paycheck–because it is impossible to give love away without receiving more love back in return. Read here to see how on some days I didn’t have to do anything!

Try it today!

Some lovely extras!

  1. *This list is taken from I Corinthians 13, the Loooove chapter! For fun, when you read it, insert the words I and my husband. I suffer long. I am kind. I am not easily provoked with my husband. . .
  2. Here are some more verses about love!

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About the Author

Shari Popejoy
Shari Popejoy is the author of the book Won Without Words, and the blog Won Without Words, encouragement to wives. She writes the Livingstone Library, an adventure series for young people, and the blog Oh Joy!, (injoyinc.com/oh/) for busy moms. She is a frequent contributor to Christian print and online magazines, and writes from the quiet country of the Ozarks, where she lives with her husband, Marc, and their three children. You can find out all about her at sharipopejoy.com!


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