Ever have a moment when the realization just hits you that you don’t really love your husband?
Well, chances are you’re not alone!
I would guess that the majority of wives have a day when we don’t really feel like we love our husbands–at least as much as we should.
Oh, we love that he goes to work, and brings us chocolate, changes the tire, squashes the bugs, and does the daddy thing, but there are times when I don’t really love my husband — at least not according to the list that matters*. Love is supposed to be:
- patient (and it really annoys me when . . . )
- kind (when you live with someone, you don’t have to be courteous anymore — do you?)
- does not envy (sometimes I’m downright jealous that he has time to pursue ___ while I’m stuck doing ___).
- does not boast (well, I’m the one who always ____)
- is not proud (he should be grateful that I even ___.)
- is not rude (ever use that tone?)
- is not self-seeking (I just have needs. . . .)
- is not easily angered (do you know what he did?)
- keeps no record of wrongs (want a list?)
- does not delight in evil (sometimes I silently chuckle when he____)
- rejoices with the truth (I forget that he _____)
- always protects (I just need to vent with my girlfriends sometimes)
- always trusts (he let me down when he ___)
- always hopes (it will never change)
- always perseveres (I’m tired of doing all the ____)
- never fails (I want out. . .)
Fact is, there are many times when I fall short of displaying this list of qualities to my dear husband. Sometimes there are moments when I don’t even want to try too hard.
Fortunately, love is a choice. I can choose each moment whether I am going to love . . . or not love.
And this list is just a guideline to self-check how I’m doing on some of the not-so-little things . . . as if I need a list to tell me how satisfied I am in my marriage! But, if you’ve lost that loving feeling, you might want to do what I did one day when I sat down and honestly reflected on whether I really loved my husband.
What I discovered caused me to get to work to learn how to love my husband all over again! And some days it was just plain hard work! But I LOVE the paycheck–because it is impossible to give love away without receiving more love back in return. Read here to see how on some days I didn’t have to do anything!
Try it today!
Some lovely extras!
- *This list is taken from I Corinthians 13, the Loooove chapter! For fun, when you read it, insert the words I and my husband. I suffer long. I am kind. I am not easily provoked with my husband. . .
- Here are some more verses about love!
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Ouch, the envy one got me! I struggle with being annoyed with my husband goes on camping trips and leaves me alone with the kids overnight. And it’s not actually that he goes on these trips that bugs me – it really only happens a few times a year – it’s that I don’t get to go. And that he can pack up and plan a trip so easily whereas it would take me much more planning….thanks for the conviction!
I think that we all go through periods like this. Yes I still love my husband! Is my love for him the same as when we were dating? No it is not. We have had to redefine how we feel and express love for one another.
A good read is the 5 love languages by Gary Chapman. This book begins with “what happens to love after the honeymoon”. It goes on to explain that we all feel love in different ways. I have to slow down and love my family and expecially my husband by holding and touching them. They also want time with me. I don’t really feel love that way, but I have learned that they “need to be touched”. Our biggest trouble comes because I feel and show love by serving. I want to do things for them, and they need me to do things with them. For example I can be in the kitchen cooking dinner for them. I kick them out, so that I can feel like I am doing it for them. “Go and relax, I got it”. I am showing my love. I am happy. They are not getting it. They feel unloved because I do not want to spend time with them. When we all work together and spend time doing the little things, we feel love all around.
I “love” how you gave an example that we all can relate to for each characteristic of love, Shari. And I love that you say that we need to “learn to our husbands” because the truth is, it’s not just a feeling. We must choose to love every single day of our married lives or our love will die–often a very slow, agonizing death too! 🙂 Great thoughts here! I’m glad I found your blog!