Pink roses

When I jokingly say I am not even as romantic as a roadrunner, that doesn’t mean that I don’t want to be romantic. It’s just that I’ve learned that most of the things that I consider romantic, aren’t really that exciting to my husband.

I’d love to take a ballroom dancing class. Hey, I’d even be happy with a line-dancing class. I’d be willing to put on cowboy boots and a hat and go in bluejeans if that would make it easier. But twenty-nine years of marriage have taught me that  I can just fox-trot that fantasy out of my mind.

I’d love to slither up a creation on a pottery wheel together, but there’s not a ghost of a chance.

I’d love to sprinkle rose petals in the bedroom, but he’d ask who died.

I’d love to go to a concert together and be enraptured by the cello, but — oh wait, we did that, and then he bought me this beautiful glossy cello for Christmas, even though I’d never even dreamed of wanting one, and never would have hoped that I had the time to learn to play, but he knew that I loved the sound of the cello, and that I needed to be creative again, and needed time to just sit down and make beautiful sounds. . . ahhhhhh, how romantic.

And that’s part of the problem. Marc, on the other hand is very sentimental and sweet, and he has learned how to please me with little gifts, and cards, and bringing me my favorite drink, or those hot pickled cauliflowers whenever he gets groceries. He has studied me, and discovered little ways to please me. And that’s the secret to romance — not doing for him what you imagine is romantic for you, but finding what is romantic for him.

And maybe that’s buying some waterproof boots and tromping through the woods with him. Or getting some waders and a fly pole and standing in a trout stream with him. Or stuffing a plastic bag in your pocket and going on a dizzying airplane ride with him. Or watch him tinker in the garage. Or fix up a messy mess of fingers-only chicken wings. Or go camping. Or . . . whatever else would please him.

Or just do something simple like bring him his favorite candy bar at work, or wrap his pillow up in a negligee, or write him a love note and slip it in his visor.

In order to enjoy romance on this 30 Days to Romance challenge, you have to consider what is romantic from his point of view. Don’t dream up a fluffy, pink, rose-petaled event and then tell him you were trying to be romantic for him. Oh, he might go for it, and play along, just to please you, which makes it enjoyable nonetheless–but he’s only in it for the YOU of it! He might put up with any of your ideas for romance, just to be with you. And that’s pretty special.

But, to really explore romance, and find new ways to enjoy being together in your Christian marriage, study him, and find out ways to imagine what would make him smile, and then do it–just to please him. Very romantic. 😉

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