; encouragement for wives; encouragement for wives


[quote]So, when are you going to have another one?[/quote]

What kind of question is that to ask a woman who has just endured fifteen hours of labor? 😉

Most women will reply with some sort of look that says the equivalent of something about a lake of fire freezing over or pigs flying.

Obviously women must forget the pain of childbirth–or there would be no second babies.

Observing that the world is not limited to single-child families, I often wondered how long it took the memory of the pain of childbirth to go away.

[quote]A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world. John 16:21 NIV[/quote]

Well, I’ll tell you exactly how long it took me to forget the anguish!

I looked down into my son’s face one day, and said, “Aw, it would be nice to have another one.” He was exactly ten days old.

I conducted another experiment one time when I got my feelings hurt by something my husband did. I thought I would just see how long it took for me to get over the emotional pain. Now, I know that the Bible says not to let the sun go down on your wrath, and that we are to forgive and that love covers a multitude of offense, but I was just curious that if I took no proactive steps to resolve the pain through the supernatural power of love and forgiveness–how long would it take in the natural world for me to forget emotional pain?

The answer surprised me.

It took about as long to forget the pain of hurt feelings as it took for me to forget about the pain of childbirth–it was actually a little longer than ten days before I could remember the incident without feeling the pain afresh.

We can try to squash feelings down, ignore them, get busy to distract ourselves from feeling the pain–but some day the pain of emotional trauma comes screaming to the surface.

The pain of a stubbed toe lasts about a minute. A finger squashed in the door might throb for a day. Emotions have feelings, too–and what if it takes three days to get over an insult, or seven days for the throb of rejection to go away?

We put ice on a strained muscle, and relieve a tooth ache with pain reliever–what soothes a wounded spirit?

It would be wise to have some strategies for dealing with emotional pain.

Here are 4 Tips to Dealing with Pain in Marriage

  1. Cry out! It always helps when you hit your thumb with a hammer to yell. Why does it help to yell CRIMENY when I stub my toe? I don’t know, but it does. Don’t hold it in. Acknowledge the pain with vocalization. Get on your knees and pour out your distress to One who listens patiently and with mercy. I’m not advocating screaming at your husband, but do tell him how your heart hurts, so he can apologize or explain. Forgive, and move on.
  2. Love covers a multitude of offense. While you are waiting for the pain to dissipate, concentrate on loving in the meanwhile. If we had to wait for the memory of the pain of childbirth to go away before we could kiss those sweet toes or nuzzle that heaven scent, we would miss a lot of love. It’s the same with husbands. A kiss always makes the pain go away.
  3. Push past the pain. Do not hide from the pain. That’s the remedy for childbirth and emotional hurts. Push through the pain, because that is the fastest way to joy.
  4. Remain beautifully vulnerable. The fragile beauty of vulnerability makes a woman different from a man. Embrace that beauty. Stay soft. Stay tender. A callous might protect from pain, but it can be ugly and harsh. Don’t turn your heart into a calloused shell. Remain soft and beautiful so that you are a tender place.